Broken Horses: A Memoir by Brandi Carlile

“Write your life. No matter how young or old, even if you feel like you’re not interesting enough, do it. Believe me, you are. Your life is in fact twisted, and beautiful. And you’ll find that as you peel back the layers, the unexpected side effect is that it feels wonderful to be known, even if it’s just by you.”

From the publisher:

“Brandi Carlile was born into a musically gifted, impoverished family on the outskirts of Seattle and grew up in a constant state of change, moving from house to house, trailer to trailer, fourteen times in as many years. Though imperfect in every way, her dysfunctional childhood was as beautiful as it was strange, and as nurturing as it was difficult. At the age of five, Brandi contracted bacterial meningitis, which almost took her life, leaving an indelible mark on her formative years and altering her journey into young adulthood. As an openly gay teenager, Brandi grappled with the tension between her sexuality and her faith when her pastor publicly refused to baptize her on the day of the ceremony. Shockingly, her small town rallied around Brandi in support and set her on a path to salvation where the rest of the misfits and rejects find it: through twisted, joyful, weird, and wonderful music. In Broken Horses, Brandi Carlile takes readers through the events of her life that shaped her very raw art—from her start at a local singing competition where she performed Elton John’s “Honky Cat” in a bedazzled white polyester suit, to her first break opening for Dave Matthews Band, to many sleepless tours over fifteen years and six studio albums, all while raising two children with her wife, Catherine Shepherd. This hard-won success led her to collaborations with personal heroes like Elton John, Dolly Parton, Mavis Staples, Pearl Jam, Tanya Tucker, and Joni Mitchell, as well as her peers in the supergroup The Highwomen, and ultimately to the Grammy stage, where she converted millions of viewers into instant fans.Evocative and piercingly honest, Broken Horses is at once an examination of faith through the eyes of a person rejected by the church’s basic tenets and a meditation on the moments and lyrics that have shaped the life of a creative mind, a brilliant artist, and a genuine empath on a mission to give back.“

My Review

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If you only listen to one audio book ever, let it be this book.

Brandi Carlile knows how to let the listener feel – both in her music and autobiographical writing. Very rarely do authors know how capture that delicate balance of letting the reader close enough to know your heart, while keeping enough perspective to not let yourself get stuck with the minor details. Everything about this book exudes strength and gratitude, even in the midst of devastating times. Oh also, a lot of Elton John fangirling.

Brandi Carlile knows how to let people be people. Her life and family is of course full of struggling characters (including herself) but she displays the kind of warm thankfulness one can only hope to find. She talks about her brother, the father of her children, and bandmates in such a way that conveys seeing all of someone, including the ways you have wronged them. She does not leave out her own hurt and rejections, including getting fired as a teen for her queerness.

This storytelling prowess follows Brandi into more recent years as a wife and then mother, building the community many only dream of. She talks the Grammys, Tanya Tucker, and a brutally honest love for her Washington roots. I resonated with this book in ways it is hard to adequately capture with words.

The best part? One quarter of this book is just her singing. At the end of each chapter, Carlile sits down to sing the songs she performed about that time in her life. Just her and a guitar in a sound booth, utterly uncut. Every time I listen to her sing, the stitches of heart fray anew and this book is no exception.

I have been singing the line “I am the mother of Evangeline” for weeks now.