I Read Queer Books

“We can’t change the events of our lives. They happened, and there they are. But the lines we draw to connect those events, the shapes we make and the conclusions we reach, those come from us. They are our own design.”

From the publisher:

“The first time someone called John Paul (JP) Brammer “Papi” was on the popular gay hookup app Grindr. At first, it was flattering; JP took this as white-guy speak for “hey, handsome.” Who doesn’t want to be called handsome? But then it happened again and again…and again, leaving JP wondering: Who the hell is Papi?

What started as a racialized moniker given to him on a hookup app soon became the inspiration for his now wildly popular advice column “¡Hola Papi!,” launching his career as the Cheryl Strayed for young queer people everywhere—and some straight people too. JP had his doubts at first—what advice could he really offer while he himself stumbled through his early 20s? Sometimes the best advice to dole outcomes from looking within, which is what JP has done in his column and book—and readers have flocked to him for honest, heartfelt wisdom, and of course, a few laughs.

In ¡Hola Papi!, JP shares his story of growing up biracial and in the closet in America’s heartland, while attempting to answer some of life’s toughest questions: How do I let go of the past? How do I become the person I want to be? Is there such a thing as being too gay? Should I hook up with my grade school bully now that he’s out of the closet? Questions we’ve all asked ourselves, surely.

¡Hola Papi! is for anyone—gay, straight, and everything in between—who has ever taken stock of their unique place in the world.”

My Review

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Did you know Grindr had a “Dear Abby” column? I sure didn’t.

But that alleged mentor was found in the writer John Paul Brammer. Brammer’s life as the not-so-popular closet-is-made-of-glass half-Mexican kid in small town Oklahoma is conveyed through a series of how-to letters to the reader. Swinging from cheeky to somber, this book has an unpredictability the reader must be ready for.

Despite its relatively small size, this book packs many punches. You learn a lot (and I mean A LOT) about the author’s bullying and social challenges in middle and high school, which definitely isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I think that stories of bullying and mental health challenges faced by children are vitally important to be discussed, but they can also be incredibly emotionally taxing to engage with. I don’t think that the branding and presentation of this book gives the reader adequate warning for how central it is to this piece.

You also learn (A LOT) about the men he has liked and not-so-liked. As you might be able to tell, I personally wasn’t enthralled by the love-life fly by, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think this portion of the book would be the most relatable to JP Brammer’s audience. If anything, I think that this portion did exactly what it set out to achieve – to be relatable and reassuring.

So what did this book do well? JP’s discovery and connection with his Mexican identity was so incredibly sincere. I absolutely loved him discussing his family and personal journey to embracing all parts of himself. I think that Grindr got really lucky in finding him as a columnist. I am keenly interested in reading more by him in the future.

Oh, also hearing him struggle to describe a penis for porn-captioning reasons also made me chuckle a good bit.

Further Resources

More resources about the unique struggles faced by Latino youth can be found here: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/the-mental-health-and-well-being-of-latinx-lgbtq-young-people/